These are my confessions:
OK, so do you remember when you were like a freshman, or maybe even a sophomore too, in high school and you would be walking down the hall and see this GORGEOUS guy walk past you and you know he’s gotta be a senior, at least a junior. So, suddenly you start to see him EVERYWHERE! In the halls, at lunch, maybe even in one of your classes. He’s so hott, and he probably plays a sport and it just sucks cause well, he doesn’t even realize you exist. Well, maybe he knows you exist, but he DEFINITLY doesn’t know your name. So you kinda just keep your obsession to yourself, and your closest friends and turn bright red and drool everytime you catch a glimpse of him.Like, you’re walking to fourth period with your friends and you see him and go “OH MY GOD!! There he is!!” and just kind of awkwardly stare at him and all his amazingness (not a word but you get the point!) You know HIS name, though cuz, I mean, how else are you gunna doodle his name all over your notebooks and papers, and put your first name with his last?! But you could never talk to him, he’s older and cooler and he probably has an absolutely beautiful girlfriend already anyways! Whats the use…you’ll never have a chance…
Sooooo, then you get older and all the goofy immature boys that you’ve had allllll the same classes with basically since kindergarden, become those dreamy, untouchable older boys that all the incoming little freshman girls start to drool over. You start to realize how STUPID you were when you were that age cause in all reality, even when boys are juniors and seniors in high school, they’re still immature and pretty much a waste of time. Let the little girls have their drooling period, you’ve got better more mature things to deal with then positioning yourself in the cafeteria so that you can look at him while you digest your chicken fillet!
Well, now your in college, and your soooooo cool! But wait, it’s happening again! Your walking down campus, and all of the sudden WHAM! The hottest guy you’ve ever seen in your LIFE!!! “Where did HE come from?!” you ask yourself. (and maybe a friend whos with you) And of course, you know he’s GOT to be older cause he just seems like he’s got it all under control. So, then you’re sitting in your last class of the week (thank GOD!) and in walks in Mr. Hotty! Now how are you supposed to concentrate on …whatever it is this class is about!? your not like drooling and awkward and shit like in high school….ok so maybe your not AS awkward and you don’t drool AS much, but at least you know how to keep your cool a little better. But he’s still older and AMAZINGLY hott and it just sucks cuz he might never know your name, and you might never get that chance! Although, the good thing about college is that, you might end up at the same party and could wind up with some drunken hook up action!! But then, you see him in that class and he still dosnt know your name and he dosnt remember a THING!! (hey it could happen!)
This story isn’t all completely true, but it is BASED on true facts. I think at one point in our lives or another, we all go through this. You notice a boy and you develop a secret crush on him, but are so smitten that you can’t bring yourself to even talk to him! And it SUCKS cause you just want him to like you SO bad that it hurts. I’ve been there, multiple times. As I got older, I grew out of that akward stage and I found my confidence and I started dating and I didn’t really have “secret crushes” anymore. I would just always be either hooking up, or involved with someone who sucked and wound up being a waste of my time and energy and I began to learn about the wonders of relationships and how to deal with it all, and I’m STILL learning. So, I thought that once I went to college that I would still be confident and there would be no more secret crushes…EVER! Wow was I wrong, I’m always walking down apian way and I’ll spot that hott guy in my Logic class or that wicked cute PMD brother who’ve I’ve been introduced to a million and one times but might not remember my name, I know he knows my face though! I mean it IS a lot easier to meet different boys and to “hook up”, I’m not complaining, I know how to flirt, I have a pretty good level of confidence, and I’ve gotten my fair share of game while I;ve been here! But when I left high school I thought I was the shit, and then I got here and it was like a huge reality check. All of the sudden I’m not so cool, back at square one, and I’m the little one again (literally haha!) I have tons of those “secret crushes”, and I do see those boys out at night, sometimes they recognize me, sometimes they don’t…but I guess what I’m saying is that it makes me think, Does anyone have a secret crush on me? When I walk down Apian way is there a boy (two maybe?) that thinks, “Oh there’s that girl I always see, she’s so hott!” Hmmmmmm…..
I do however have a REAL crush on a certain boy that I actually really do like. We’re friends and we hung out this weekend and it’s not like awkard, (or at least not any more awkward than it has to be since when I really like someone I get all fricken nervous and shit) but I guess I just don’t know how to go about it. Michelle and Stammo told me that I should just like go for it and to not be scared, but how exactly so I “go for it”? I really wanna ask him to our dates in a few weeks, but even that’s too nerve wracking for me. I mean I don’t think he’ll say no, but….AHHHH I’m just so nervous!!! Fricken Crushes! They suck...sometimes ;)